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The dark room


It is my firm belief that we are all (ok maybe almost all) beings of light and love and that it is our natural state to move through life from this place and everything else comes from a trauma response somewhere, whether from this lifetime or another.


Trauma LIVES in the body. Sometimes it is our own, from childhood or other, and sometimes it is passed down from generations before us (also known as epigenetics). Now i won’t spiral too far down the rabbit hole of explaining inherited trauma but I would like to say this: EVERYONE lives and carries trauma in their body. Of course not all of it is to the same degree and the intensity of trauma can definitely change or be perceived and felt differently. So keeping that in mind, let's talk about how the energetics of trauma may show up and the importance of creating containers for it to be felt and seen in order to be healed.

Let it be known that our emotions, spirit, mind and body all influence one another. They work holistically and should be treated this way. I’m sure all of you have experienced this at one point or another. Your mind starts racing with all the what if’s, anxiety starts to creep in and the next thing you know you’re breathing heavy, your hands are moist and you're feeling tension in your body and chest. So that’s a pretty clear and loud picture I just painted for you. But sometimes these responses are much quiter. Whispering, maybe even chronically whispering below so many years of repression and even oppression. It becomes hard to hear under the years of numbing tools and activities we fill our lives with to keep us deaf to it's messages.

So why aren’t we listening to our bodies as an indicator when something just isn’t right within us. Why aren’t we creating these containers of allowance, acceptance and emergence?

Oh right, because so many of us have forgot how to listen. We're too busy running after goals, projects, chasing dreams, scheduling our days, months and years to the complete brim. If there is one thing that this year has brought to the surface for us to take a really fucking hard look at.. it’s our lifestyles and the speed at which we are living them. Isolation and confinement is not healthy for long periods of time. As humans we need community and connection, especially during times of stress. But you know what is also unhealthy?! Living life through the lens of distraction, projects, goals on top of goals on top of more goals. Don’t get me wrong, being ambitious is great. I’m a highly ambitious person as well. But let’s call ourselves and each other out on our bullshit and stop calling overachieving (which is defense mechanism and fear response by the way) ambitious. There comes a time where space and emptiness are necessary and even healthy. Real space. and real emptiness. The kind of emptiness that forces you to stop and feel the fear or other discomfort bubbling beneath the surface, asking to be released, to sit with it, I mean like really sit with it for as long as you need to and only then can it start to be moved and transformed. Only then can we start to learn from our experiences and truly learn about our reactions. Only then can we start to heal. Welcome to the dark room. A metaphorical container void of any stimulus allowing you to be met with self, by self and the only way out is through self.

Let's try something together. Close your eyes a moment and envision yourself within that dark, bare, void room. There are no distractions, or projects. There is nothing to consume and nothing to be done. There is just you and the space which holds you. How do you perceive this container? Do you feel trapped? Does it feel constrictive? or can you see all of the possibility waiting to be painted on the walls around you?

See, that’s the thing with trauma responses, reactivity, projections. We’re too busy feeling trapped, trying to find a way out to actually see what lies beneath the darkness. Wait a few seconds, let your eyes adjust to the dark, allow yourself to begin to see the vastness of possibility that lies before you and all around you. There is power in choice and by choosing to sit consciously within this space you allow yourself to find your innate power that lies beneath all of the external factors of distraction. Welcome to your shadow. There is truth here. There is authentic expression, and space to feel, and move through pain. There is freedom. Freedom that comes from letting go of attachment, status, efforts. Freedom when you allow yourself to truly just be. Without an agenda, without a goal, without a plan. Right here, right now. You don't need light. You are the light. You don't need all of the external factors that you chase and fill your life with to make you whole. You are already whole. Lean into this space, lean into this darkness. Remember your wholeness. As within, so without. Namaste,


Amanda


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